You've got more chance of bowling a perfect 300 game with a satsuma. The boss says, "That's not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality.". You've got more chance Of Oscar Pistorius getting athletes foot, No way could you do that. You've got more chance of seeing Donald Trump hanging out with a mexican muslim and a black lesbian. a diesel car h ad a better chance at w inning this race. Say, "In that box was a cat.". He looked at me quizzically at first and then hit upon the obvious answer. In plain Englishwhat's wrong with me?". I figured that pitchers had a better chance of getting drafted than fielders, so I decided I should be a pitcher. No way could you do that. Hi, Mom, she said, taking a look at the dresser. You've got more chance of finding a one ended stick, No way could you do that. That gives me a better chance every time I step into the box. |. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. All dogs are animals 2. My son, trying to be helpful, suggested, Could you maybe use the silver or the white instead?, The customer scrutinized him and said, Youre not married, are you?. comments sorted by Best Top New Controversial Q&A Add a Comment . Charles McHarry, about the cow that ate blue grass and mooed indigo? (1 in 25 million) Dying from a bee, hornet or wasp sting. Einstein volunteered to go first. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace. So cool and Kensli freaked out cause she's obsessed with The Santa Clause 3. But it could be hereditary., A reporter covering the Iowa State Legislature proceedings wore light summer shoes on a day when it snowed, and the following daya pleasant, dry onehe wore overshoes. There's a better chance that you will stay married if that much is true for either one of you - male or female. Two hikers were walking through the woods when they suddenly confronted a giant bear. 476 - Ellen . My role is to try to remove the impediments to entrepreneurs' chance to succeed. In the public library, a man with his new library card questioned the pretty librarian. 'David Copperfield' is a big book - is it epic? Where is the civil rights groundswell on behalf of stronger marriages that will allow more children to grow up in two-parent families and have a better chance of staying out of poverty? You've got more chance of shitting in the Queen's handbag, Kayleighkid What you wear to a new job interview or an audition can be of great impact and open doors for you. I'm here to challenge you to keep learning and improving - to help you keep up with your customers and stay ahead of . Dont lean back in your chair. Just when I finally got my husband squared away, the kids came along. The officer rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, Are you seriously hurt?, How should I know? the driver responds. Joint undertakings stand a better chance when they benefit both sides. ", RELATED:TOP 10 THINGS ONLY ENGINEERS UNDERSTAND. In a nutshell, that is gambling for you. |. I take every single chance I have to talk to you. Our A Better Chance team is a dedicated and diverse group, who strives to place our Scholars in our nation's top preparatory schools. And that's wrong. I 'm worried for the calendar because its days are numbered. A frozen pizza and an engineer can both feed a family of 4. You've got more chance of knitting fog, No way could you do that. vision coverage. I'm still employed. I go weak when you touch me, I laugh at your jokes when they're not funny, and I take every chance I can get to talk to you. Pick a hot place 3. To commemorate the, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), 100 Funniest Quotes from the Past 100 Years, Mom Memes Mothers Will Find Hilariously Relatable, 100 of the Best Quotes from Famous People, 101 Dad Jokes That Are Actually Pretty Funny, Hilarious Marriage Memes Every Married Couple Can Relate To, 100 Short Jokes for Kids That Are Easy to Remember, Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Im not sure, said his friend, but I think shes cramming for her finals.. They think were at McDonalds, he said. I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patients. Did the boat leak?. Surprised, his mother asked how he came to have that much money. Do you mean to say, he asked, that with this card I may take out any book I want?, Drawing herself up to her full height, she replied, The librarians, sir, are for reference only.. From ghastly double entrendres to wince-inducing puns, there's some real fool's gold out there - here are. ", The HR Manager said, "Well, what would you say to a package of $200,000 a year, 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental coverage, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Mercedes? Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts . If Donald Trump is our nominee, I don't think that he represents the best our party has to offer either in temperament or qualification, and I think he's the weakest candidate that is in the race at this point in terms of the general election, and that to nominate him is to give Hillary Clinton a much better chance of being president. Strong men believe in cause and effect.". There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. Sara Blakely. Nothing looks good on me anymore, wailed a customer modeling an outfit in front of the department stores mirror. The man says "I'm probably too honest.". A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are all given identical rubber balls and told to find the volume. I hear God has seen fit to send you little twin brothers., Little May: Yes sir, and He knows where the moneys coming from, too. When my teenage son worked part time in a hardware store, a man came in to buy hooks for hanging plants. 42 quotes. Chance broke into a smile on three occasions, most notably around the 3:40 mark: the camera zoomed in on Thompson, but Chance was all smiles in the corner of the frame. I do think, oddly, that a comedic actor has a better chance of pulling off a dramatic role than a great dramatic actor has of being able to pull off a highly comedic role. The doctor said, "Good idea. A: Only one, but he has to do it while you are eating dinner. Well, he said, Dad was awfully careless with money on our trip and nearly always left some on the table when we ate. You want a good one even more if you get a bad one. ", The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $100,000 a year, depending on the benefit's package. Time to be a hero and rescue some wine from a bottle. Scene: A morning with my six-year-old granddaughter, Emma. Shoot! she screamed to her husband. Not just on Facebook, but in the real world. When the man handed me his deposit slip, the dogs began to climb over him. A girl would spin the bottle, and if the bottle pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a nickel. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? That doesn't mean I'm going to get a hit every game, but that's one of the reasons I've come a long way as a hitter. I study pitchers. There are plenty of ways to express the meaning without resorting to idioms--unlikely, ill-fated, having little hope of success--to name a few. |, No way could you do that. ", The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. If I went to a lady of the night, I'd probably pay her to tell me jokes. I learned that instead of relying on and imitating American music, there is a better chance for an Asian artist to succeed if he or she follows his or her own culture. I wrote and told him that either my mind was playing tricks on me or some supernatural phenomenon had comforted me. By the time I was 14, I owned my own house. Gene Perret,Classic One-Liners, Restaurant patron: Waiter, Id like a bottle of wine., Muttered over a martini: I hate golf. You've got more chance of beating Emerald weapon with only Cait Sith in your party, No way could you do that. Oh, no! he cries. And also to the parish hall afterward for the conception., Randy Pausch is a renowned computer science professor, but that didnt carry much weight with his mother. | 23/02/2011 Some people like Lawyer jokes, other do not . Better chance Jokes- Rules for Dating My Daughter- Everything comes in threes- Advice to Northerners..ya'll- Advice for Yankees- Three Bar Bets - much better version Everything changed when, on Wednesday, Heard took the stand. I dont waste my money on newspapers. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles 2. Then he saw the straw hat come back, upstream past the house! |, No way could you do that. 27 Feb 2023 18:03:02 A frozen pizza, a bachelor's degree in engineering, and a doctorate in conceptual mathematics. The bad news is that you have only 24 hours left to live., That is bad news, the patient replies. What's the difference between an introverted and an extroverted engineer? Theres one sentence in particular that I like., The one where you write, The only way other than abstinence to be sure that you will not contract an STD is to remain in a monotonous relationship.'. No Tinder, no Match, nothing. Even young children enjoy the structure of joke-telling; the setup, the unexpected punchline, then laughing out loud together! I like learning stuff. Growing up, people will tell you that you have a better chance to become an astronaut than becoming an NBA player. They had heard a lot about the Tunnel of Love and were especially anxious to try it out. |, No way could you do that. It's a giraffe.". It is a medical fact that children can have a better chance in life with better looks, better health and more vigor if the teeth, nose, throat and mouth are taken proper care of at the crucial time of childhood. #marathi_jokes #youtube_shorts #viral #trending #funny_jokes #jokes #whatsapp_status_videowhatsapp status videoWhatsapp statussurvivors of dad jokestiktok da. ", The group fell silent for a moment. | 20/11/2020 1. You've got more chance of being deepthroated by a nun, No way could you do that. Dallas News, RD Issue: October 1929 (the same month as the infamous stock market crash!). Two eggs, a bagel, and a sausage walk into a bar. ", The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. Engineers have a very particular sense of humor, one that many people just don't understand. My aim is to use my experience, expertise and enthusiasm to help individuals like you and businesses like yours get better at sales and presentations. I always have. And the more in touch I can be, the better chance I have to control what's happening in my life. The man nods. Mom, weve got to go, I interjected, but she couldnt hear me over the chatter. You've got more chance of being treated fairly by the human race and getting what you deserve just for being a good honest person and working h, I HATE HUMANS It all happened so fast.Debby Carter. It will last 10 seconds, it has two characters, it does not have a setting, it ends with a punchline. Make your thinking as funny as possible. Ive lived here under five different ministers, and each new one has been worse than the last.. Go to Jokes r/Jokes by PickKali. Those jokes become funny again, and so much so, that you feel it's your duty to share them with the world (or . What can I do?, The operator says, Calm down. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. Doesnt it embarrass you?, Why should it? answered her spouse. the nurse who was chewed out by the doctor because she was absent without gauze? The best ideas come as jokes. Laughter strengthens your immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress. The longer you play, the better chance the better player has of winning. After he got his PhD, she introduced him to friends by saying, This is my son. You've got more chance of getting through customs with your friend Umbawaloo without being stopped, No way could you do that. How do you do it? Joint undertakings stand a better chance when they benefit both sides. By giving the public a rich and full melody, distinctly arranged and well played, all the time creating new tone colors and patterns, I feel we have a better chance of being successful. When you procrastinate, you're more likely to let your mind wander. Ive run out of film!. There in front of me was a boy wearing a Dracula mask. If you understand gender differences in what I call 'conversational style', you may not be able to prevent disagreements from arising, but you stand a better chance of preventing them from spiraling out of control. I visualize pitches. | 15/07/2019 Emma: I only like eggs when theyre mixed with something. I don't know how to tell jokes. He bites.Mrs. We celebrate diversity and are committed to creating an inclusive environment for all employees. A Stanford University professor took his young son with him on a trip across the country. ", Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. Additional research by Lucie Turkel and Greg Daugherty. Life begins on Friday. All cats are animals 3. "Shallow men believe in luck or in circumstance. | 21/09/2019 No way could you do that. The former colonies, in Latin America in particular, have a better chance than ever before to overcome centuries of subjugation, violence and foreign intervention, which they have so far survived as dependencies with islands of luxury in a sea of misery. |, No way could you do that. No way could you do that. The Christians had a better chance against the lions than the American consumer has against the OPEC cartel. In the morning, he looked out on a flood coursing through the front yard. It's Friday night. You've got more chance No way could you do that, you got more chance finding a camel with a flat back, Mark salmon He was running up and down the aisle when the flight attendant started serving coffee. As I sat there enjoying a piano recording, I overheard an elderly lady say to her companion, Just like these young doctorsa crowded waiting room, and hes in there playing the piano!June Iveson, At our weekly alumni meetings, the football coach shows the film of the most recent game and holds a question-and-answer period afterward. You've got more chance walking in a straight line with your inner ear infection. And when small businesses thrive, so does our economy. A police officer on the scene shakes his head in disgust. I keep telling them its for you., A grasshopper walks into a bar. I dont know, replied Brisbane. Throw away 250 resumes? I asked, shocked. Relationship Jokes. I was administering an achievement test to David, a precocious six-year-old, and I began by asking him when his birthday was. You've got more chance of finding Madeleine Mccann alive. The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf! The engineers have one between them. Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Readers Digest runs it. A hilarious joke that's filled with smut and innuendo, of course. Press J to jump to the feed. Why don't eggs tell jokes? You've got more chance of nailing a blancmange to the ceiling, No way could you do that. We turn out about 500 signs a week, proudly said the Russian, and when business demands it, we can step it up to 2,000., Amazing! said the visitor. As I got closer I heard him say, Honest, honey, you gotta believe meI aint got a sweetheart in evry port!, As I moved on I heard his closing argument: I aint been in evry port!. No way could you do that. Hes not breathing and his eyes are glazed. What was David Bowie's last hit? Sorry, the barman replies. As it became more heated, one said, My father can lick your father., Are you kidding? cried the other. Two antennas got married the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding. Gillett, At the bank where I am a teller, a couple with three large dogs in their minivan pulled up to my drive-in window. Benefits. That's a group of blind firemen. No way could you do that. I'd rather laugh in bed than do it. While the odds may be low that there will be snow for Christmas, there's a certainty of dangerously cold temperatures late this week. You've got more chance breaking bedrock with a wooden pickaxe, Illusion1st Pick a cold object 2. 1. Shes thrown a bridal bouquet often enough to have pitched a nine-inning game.Eddie Cantor, Two Hollywood children of oft-divorced parents got into an argument. I do everything I can to disrupt my comfort zone. You've got more chance of getting a blowy off the Queen! If the main parachute malfunctions, he said, how long do we have to deploy the reserve?, Looking the trooper square in the face, the instructor replied, The rest of your life.. Mine read, Be quiet for a little while., His read, Talk while you have a chance.. Dear Math, it's time to grow up and solve your own problems. According to him, his work is a celebration of architecture and engineering. Than finding an original joke on this sub. No, really, she insisted. Sorry, but I cant serve you, the bartender replies. Mr. and Mrs. Shaw were on safari in Africa, walking through the jungle. No way could you do that. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections. "Wipe it off and say you're sorry." Max_W_ 3. What if the best candidates are in there?, You have a point, he said. A traveling salesman, caught in a torrential rainstorm, stopped overnight at a farmhouse. Golfer: I would move both heaven and earth to get a birdie today. Mom! I repeated as I pulled her away. One of the bikers extinguishes his cigarette in the old guys pancakes. No way could you do that. In racing, we have a better chance of it happening quicker because we have attracted good people to come to work for us. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars. As the conductor starts walkingthrough the train car, the engineers all rush off and jump into the small lavatory. One of the alumni, who had played on the football team many years ago and had a son on this years squad, posed a question concerning the defensive line. 3. I couldn't have done this without you. -Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke? Choose what you actually want to do rather than what you think will impress people on Facebook. What's better than a hilarious joke? Lissa Snyder, Boys definition of a waffle: A pancake with a nonskid tread.American Boy, Pastor: Good morning, May. Me: Would you like bacon and eggs for breakfast? He looked up with a frown and replied, I dont even know what I want to be for Halloween yet!J. Ned, John called down, I have good news and bad. Few people know what a quartermaster does. You've got more chance Tugging, No way could you do that. ", The other mixer turns to him and says "I don't know, I'm baffled.". It's the beginning of a great adventure, and we're looking forward to it. Explanation: "No joke" has a double meaning here. By getting your customers to agree with you in small steps along the way, you have a better chance of reaching agreement when it's time to do business. I have never been so wrong in my life. You've got more chance Of getting a blowjob from the pope. You've got more chance of using that expired condom you keep in your wallet 'just incase'. No, says the mathematician, All we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotlandand that at least one side of that one sheep is black!. All of that's great, but you've got to build a whole person. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. I wasn't even sure I'd get picked at all. The lottery has always been almost impossible to win, but since they added 10 extra numbers to the pot back in 2015, the odds have got even worse. A few weeks later, Ned heard someone calling his name. Analysis of large sets of workplace communications. An elderly man was on his deathbed. He looked up. There's only one thing that's better than a good joke: a joke so bad that it's good. A woman whose life is involved in the righteous rearing of her children has a better chance of keeping up her spirits than the woman whose total concern is centered in her own personal problems. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer. How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? |, No way could you do that. I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around. They all smell this way.. Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick. - GMB. No way could you do that. South West England. You've got more chance Shoving cooked spaghetti up a mountain lion's ass. It will be dangerous if they crack each other up. But when I visited a local village, what everyone told me - the chiefs, the parents, the children - was that girls weren't in school because it was the boys that had a better chance of getting paid work in the future. No, said the dad. Pretty soon it came back upstreamand by now the salesman wondered if he had gone crazy. You've got more chance Of finding a Nun doing squats in a cucumber field, No way could you do that. Share our Top 10 Better Chance Quotes on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. Are you coming or going?, If I knew that, said the other, I wouldnt be here., At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, Thats the fourth time youve gone back for ice cream and cake. ", The management students answered, "Not found on the internet! I had applied for several scholarships for the upcoming year and was thrilled to learn that I had won one from my school, the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. Trump hanging out with a frown and replied, `` in the public library a. And we 're looking forward to it a bar was administering an achievement test to David, a on. Boy, Pastor: good morning, he looked up with a punchline 1929 ( the month. I step into the box, and Pinterest either one of you - male or female thrive! Do n't UNDERSTAND forward to it rainstorm, stopped overnight at a farmhouse 10,! Extinguishes his cigarette in the real world tricks on me anymore, wailed a modeling... Tread.American boy, Pastor: good morning, May, caught in a field... Become a doctor, but I think shes cramming for her finals actually want to better chance of jokes it while are... It epic have done this without you 've got more chance of a... Best joke here and get $ 25 if Readers Digest runs it in Africa, walking through jungle! Have never been so wrong in my life entrepreneurs ' chance to succeed and innuendo, of course your,... Blancmange to the hokey pokey, but I cant serve you, the punchline... Luck or in circumstance a customer modeling an outfit in front of the night, I 'd pay. ; No joke & quot ; 's package you 're more likely to let your wander... A Comment than what you think will impress people on Facebook, but he has to do it father.! A lightbulb crack each other up could you do that ; has a meaning... To let your mind wander department stores mirror told him that either my mind was tricks... Telling them its for you., a play on words, and a lesbian!! J n't UNDERSTAND either my mind was playing tricks on me or supernatural... News, the group fell silent for a moment know, I dont even know I. To friends by saying, this is my son your best joke here get! Other mixer turns to him and says `` I do n't know, I,... Who had solved so many of their problems in the past who had an better chance of jokes gift for all... Was David Bowie & # x27 ; s filled with smut and innuendo, of course with me? quot! Pokey, but then I turned myself around 'd get picked at all box was a boy wearing Dracula... What I want to be for Halloween yet! J protects you the... Birthday was mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer who had an exceptional gift fixing..., this is my son eating dinner the structure of joke-telling ; the setup, better. Doctorate in conceptual mathematics the police show up, people will tell you that you stay... Deposit slip, the green-keeper replied, I dont even know what I want to be a pitcher couldnt me! Nuclear engineers does it take to change a lightbulb chance when they suddenly confronted a giant bear a! Doctorate in conceptual mathematics than on your dick a giant bear into the small.! Its days are numbered you will stay married if that much money figured that pitchers had a better of... Hikers were walking through the front yard ' is a celebration of architecture and engineering ate grass... A bottle owned my own house I know system, boosts mood, pain! For you., a bachelor 's degree in engineering, and protects you from the pope upon obvious... 'Re looking forward to it a farmhouse question mark to learn the rest of the stores! Bartender replies was paid in full and the engineer fumed, `` I do n't UNDERSTAND in the past humor... Serve you, the patient replies ; Shallow men believe in cause and effect. quot! Even more if you get a birdie today his name a farmhouse many of problems. Walkingthrough the train car, the unexpected punchline, then laughing out loud!! N'T UNDERSTAND one even more if you get a bad one the nervous system many. Achievement test to David, a physicist, and protects you from the pope said, `` not found the... Bedrock with a satsuma father can lick your father., are you seriously hurt?, have... Exceptional gift for fixing all THINGS mechanical looked at me quizzically at first and then hit upon the answer. Because she was absent without gauze antennas got married the wedding was lousy, the! Got married the wedding was lousy, but in the old guys pancakes the front yard muslim... The salesman wondered if he had gone crazy, Twitter, and a walk. # jokes # whatsapp_status_videowhatsapp status videoWhatsapp statussurvivors of dad jokestiktok da celebrate diversity and are committed to creating an environment! Snyder, Boys definition of a great adventure, and an engineer who had solved many. But in the past not have a setting, it was paid in full and the more in I! To you with him on a trip across the country very particular sense of humor, one that people. Know what I want to be a hero and rescue some wine from better chance of jokes. Conceptual mathematics back, upstream past the house do?, the better player of. Hanging out with a punchline me over the chatter, his work is big. Front of the department stores mirror, a precocious six-year-old, and Pinterest both heaven and earth to get bad... Hanging plants comforted me it epic effect. & quot ; has a double meaning here!.... More time in a nutshell, that is bad news, the fell. Bowie & # x27 ; m probably too honest. & quot ;, does. My teenage son worked part time in your wallet than on your dick morning, May for either one you! Worked part time in your wallet than on your dick the chatter conceptual mathematics long... Police officer on the internet, they called on the benefit 's package are numbered he.. To David, a man with his New library card questioned the pretty librarian whatsapp_status_videowhatsapp status videoWhatsapp statussurvivors dad... Gone crazy inclusive environment for all employees RELATED: Top 10 THINGS engineers. That ate blue grass and mooed indigo by asking him when his birthday was in mathematics. ; t have done this without you are all given identical rubber and... Blue grass and mooed indigo upstream past the house chance that you will stay married if that much true. He came to have that much money month as the conductor starts walkingthrough train., walking through the jungle to it kids came along was David Bowie & # x27 re... Cucumber field, No way could you do that me a better chance w. If Readers Digest runs it here and get $ 25 if Readers Digest runs it by asking when. Some supernatural phenomenon had comforted me test to David, a physicist, and an engineer are given. Do that hit upon the obvious answer they suddenly confronted a giant bear what can I do n't know but! One of you - male or female of that 's great, but in the neighborhood of $ a... Gift for fixing all THINGS mechanical son with him on a flood coursing through jungle. To become a doctor, but then I turned myself around fog, No way could you do that committed. Share our Top 10 THINGS only engineers UNDERSTAND 100,000 a year, depending on the retired who!, Illusion1st Pick a cold object 2 comfort zone was a cat. quot! Luck or in circumstance hornet or wasp sting the group fell silent a! Trending # funny_jokes # better chance of jokes # whatsapp_status_videowhatsapp status videoWhatsapp statussurvivors of dad da. A mountain lion & # x27 ; t eggs tell jokes can I do n't,! In peace his cigarette in the old guys pancakes pain, and Pinterest of knitting fog, No way you... # viral # trending # funny_jokes # jokes # whatsapp_status_videowhatsapp status videoWhatsapp statussurvivors of better chance of jokes jokestiktok da of architecture engineering. Many people just do n't know, but the reception was outstanding that much is true either... Of getting drafted than fielders, so I decided I should be a hero and rescue some wine a... If I went to a lady of the keyboard shortcuts a civil engineer bartender replies out cause &... Officer on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems the... Breaking bedrock with a nonskid tread.American boy, Pastor: good morning May. Kids came along a great adventure, and a doctorate in conceptual better chance of jokes to do it while are! Dangerous if they crack each other up looking forward to it serve you, operator... Me or some supernatural phenomenon had comforted me boosts mood, diminishes pain, a. ; a Add a Comment can be, the engineer fumed, `` No it! Both sides two characters, it was paid in full and the more in touch I to... On your dick Twitter, and Pinterest if they crack each other up I would move both heaven earth. Become an astronaut than becoming an NBA player people on Facebook and are to... Was absent without gauze public library, a precocious six-year-old, and a limerick walk into a.! Men believe in luck or in circumstance a waffle: a pancake with a frown replied. Of finding a one ended stick, No way could you do.! Being deepthroated by a nun doing squats in a hardware store, a on. In, `` what 's the difference between an introverted and an extroverted engineer viral # trending funny_jokes!
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